Cyber Harassment: How to Handle Online Stalkers & Clap-Back lurkers? #BlackEXPLOITATION

9 months ago

Dating an homeless person is great for honest and dope conversations, if you have been reduced to homelessness yourself due to a nightmare ex. A beautiful long term relationship could grow with this person, in a temporarily bad place, building together a rag-to-riches story. When their personality and behaviour did not make Your cut, it can be very difficult to convince this person (even after they have upgraded themselves to a Council flat) to lose your phone number, your social media. The block button is still not an answer for their understanding. Their “patience” is so unbeatable, you regularly have to dodge random new phone numbers and unsolicited messages about their “greatest relationship in their life”, which was just a moment in yours. Keeping calm is of the essence. You don’t want to put your life at risk by insulting or aggravating a person who is stuck on his loop – and victim of their own bad addictions (could be substance or alcohol abuses). Politeness and respect is ALWAYS THE BEST ANSWER! Losing your temper or showing signs of fear feed into other people’s predatory “life-language” and method of communication. Explanations or back and forth is to be avoided at all cost, as a clear sign of boundaries.

You might have a situation with an infatuated follower. Or you might have a sticky unfinished business with an ex (friend, acquaintance, lover, business partner). The internet is a very strange place where access to people you physically – or socially – cannot talk to in person is possible just from the power of a “DM”, i.e. direct message. In real life, we are faced with limitations that build our strength or increase our weakness. It can be height for a man, level of attraction for a woman, amount of money or debts for a #Zaddy in training, circle of influence for wannabe entrepreneurs or politicians. Society, the real one, gives you the feedback your personality is asking for. In the Internet world, total strangers – who might as well be on medications, under the influence, isolated because of their precedents with real people, unable to achieve a conversation in person – are in a position to build a persona based only on their command of a language and its grammar. In writing, you can be witty, have the perfect amount of sarcasm, the greatest sense of humour. You can also “borrow” other people’s personality through matching their own profiles or exemplary persona.

The line between being imitated, being duplicated or being closely followed by online accounts still match the real life definition of a stalker. A stalker is “a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention“. This person would have to match on a consistent basis your own activities online for you to build a strong case of harassment. If this person, however, never interacts or interferes with you (while displaying deviant behaviours), you do not have a stalking problem. You are just aware of the existence of a lurker. A lurker is someone who consistently observes your online activities and acts upon them. If they observe and do nothing, online or offline, you cannot possibly know that they are watching you, unless you are being aided and abetted by the platform they are using. Such situations, where Facebook, Twitter, Gab, BLKEM to name a few major social media, contact you to make you aware of a lurker will be very rare. They do exist! I was in the middle of a situation myself recently … No comment in this article.
Many content creators are being aggravated by other people stealing their original “words” ( which is a different beast than stealing artwork, photograph or any intellectual property). Your mind is literally hijacked by someone else’s lack of etiquette in keeping original posts under quotation marks or with reference to the person who they are screenshotting words from. It sounds petty from these content creator to complain about the side effects of being a “Public Figure”, with what their fame is attached with. It is relevant to be concerned when a whole persona is being created from your original postings, going as far as alleging a new Influencer-worthy online account to suggesting any relationships or partnerships with said content creator. People are really faking themselves into someone else’s room – built for profit and sponsorships.

Anti-Stalking charity “Paladin” is calling to introduce a Stalker register

Cyber harassment can be very insidious:

  • there are the ones you can track, trace and build evidence against – like a virus
  • there are the ones you cannot track, you could trace but will have a hard time to prove
  • and then, there is the more vicious category, you cannot track, you cannot trace and you cannot prove: the clap-back lurkers! You want to learn to become that one when the  “victim” of these specific lurkers – don’t hate the obsessed players, hate the obsessive games!

Stalkers (“a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention”) can fall under a variety of diagnoses, including psychotic disorders; personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder; and delusional disorders, such as erotomania – a belief that another person, often a prestigious person, is in love with you. << Motivations for stalking include a delusional belief in romantic destiny, a desire to reclaim a prior relationship, a sadistic urge to torment the victim, or a psychotic over-identification with the victim and the desire to replace him or her >> Aggression and violent behavior can ensue from these “relationships”, when not addressed. In the United Kingdom, you can easily report a stalker using the official website: Report a stalker. You are advised to contact the police when dealing with an obvious case. In this particular situation, you would have clear evidences of unsolicited and unhealthy amounts of communication from the stalker (emails, direct messages, texts in your phone, voice messages or photography of the stalker around your workplace, house, following you). With online stalking, venting on your social media might not be the only public acknowledgement of your “stop sign”. A deviant mind might get a lot of pleasure over disrupting your normal activities and being the center of your concerns. There is a strategy that can be followed when dealing with “snakes in the grass“, using patience and random messages to change your mind about how you feel about them

Online stalker: you can track, trace and build evidence against them

There is a line, similar to the one where you have all the evidence you need to file a restraining order with the police, that can be drawn between annoying followers/fans, stalkerish accounts and disturbing admirers/haters. TIME-STAMP is your best friend. Screenshotting your evidence, using the time between an offensive act of stalking and your own social activities that might have directly caused the stalker to post publicly online, is your job. Not getting upset. Not feeling emotional about being closely monitored by a total stranger. You need to build a case, in silence, to defend yourself from a situation that has already got out of hand in someone else’s mind. Social etiquette still requires people to be accountable for what they post online. Threat, incitation to violence, persistent commenting of your public posts cannot be dealt with only with a block button. Muting is the best option, as you are removing the ability to screenshot the fact that you have blocked someone. Some online accounts got very popular from trauma bonding over being blocked by someone they did not like or they collectively criticise, rightfully or unjustly. 
I personally have built a very pretty and sexy case of my personal journal, using Google note, being used for a few people to post or comment their next “random” thoughts. The first time is a coincidence. The second time up to the tenth time too. But after one year of building my little case of harassment, I cannot wait to print their online posts and my “private” journaling to address a breach of my privacy, that will not be excused under “being hacked”. Hacker do not force real people to do anything. They only have power over data, the last time I checked. 

The Psychology of Stalking by J. Reid Meloy

Online lurker: you cannot track, you could trace but will have a hard time to prove

A person needs to balance their own shortcomings by interacting, silently and innocently at first, with everything that you post is a different beast to tame. Technically, you are the stalker here. They are lurking not interfering with you. How can you be the victim of a situation that did not call for you or caused any direct harm, existing far away from you. Often, we are made aware of a lurker by having a personal connection with them: a common business partner, friend, lover, ex … Something has led you to check that person and realise that you were the object of too many of their online attention. Is there anything wrong with having your first “confused” fan? 
Until their postings gain traction and wider attention, through comments and likes, what they are doing is just their problem. Now that they are commenting publicly about you, they are now liable to be very cautious and accurate with what they are saying. It is not known of anyone pressing charge because a group of people comment or post about them. But it is very possible to build a case of “proximity” on the basis of how close these people are to you: same area, same place of work, same circle of influence. They are participating, by being too close to you. Your evidence will not only be in screenshotting their posts. But mainly in proving how this person or group of people can affect you directly, through your common acquaintances. The disturbance has to be real, not petty, for you to give this situation too much of your time. I can testify, first-hand, that staring too long into the abyss of other people’s online activities and random thoughts is very draining and keeps you out of your own trajectory. Muting, blocking or literally blocking their device’s IP address is how you can start disciplining yourself in looking away. Far away!

Clap-Back lurkers: you cannot track, you cannot trace and you cannot prove

Clap-Back lurkers are comedians who entertain their audience by reacting, for entertainment or clout, to too many of your own online activities. Like detective, they are ready to passively and aggressively grow strength from finding fault or inspirations from your posts. They are great for business, as they are your free advertisement. They are bad for business, as they can lead anyone into believing that there is some sort of connection between you and them. Stepping into other people’s lives, through collaborations or partnerships might be the reason for these particular lurkers/stalkers. You are gaining momentum with your own hustle, online and offline. You will experience petty and personal attacks, like in any 9 to 5 job where you put up with everyone personality at work. In these new circles, everyone has something you do not know about (or do know about) to protect: a wife is protecting her husband, projecting their marital issues onto you, a woman or man is feeling threatened by the competition you bring, in their head or in reality. If you want to keep a relationship with this lurker, direct conversation in person would gradually de escalate their discomfort. It could also give them more ammunition to invent a “attention seeking” story about you. You pick your poison. You might not want to keep any relationship with this lurker and my “psychopath” method is the one you need to know about. Matching their energy gradually then more and more loudly is THE remedy to their clap-back. No one has time to wake up to disturbing online posts about themselves. And what they did to you, insidiously, is usually not experienced calmly or quietly by them. They get quickly scared by the fact you noticed them, you answer to their Clap-back (without mentioning them) and you invite them to go and get a life, now. 

Thoughty2 | This is how a stalker’s brain works and it’s really disturbing

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