A “Mammy”, whose sexuality and desirability was denied during slavery, experienced sexual terrorism at the hands of white and black men teaching her that our bodies aren’t our own (statement from Artist Kara Walker about her “sugar baby” artwork – afribean magazine no.4).
This figure of servitude and loyalty to her “owners” is embedded in the psyche of men, to this date, where unkept Black women (i.e. dark-skinned, not dolled-up, no choosing signals, no sexual cues …) are <<fresh from the boat>>, like they just arrived in a westernised and foreign environment without the proper mannerisms.
These Black women are relegated to “good cook” as some role need to be applied to her existence. She cannot be breathing and existing in peace! This is the climate, us, Black women are operating in when stepping outside of our safe bubbles, due to the mandigo out there for the taking. Black women trying to express her preference for a particular group of men is another warzone:
– White: you are a “bedwench” betraying the community for dating the descendant of (and candidate for) slave masters
– Any other race: you are in a “mixed-race” relationship with an opinion that is watered down to no particular history with Indian, Chinese or any other non-white group of men
– Black: you are the target of passive aggressive jokes or actions to celebrate the fact that you are not available for any advances or propositions from any other men.
Another type of distinction is in Black women attitude toward sex: fast girls or good girls. “Fast girl” is a term used to describe young girls of any race who are taking interest too soon in their sexuality. “Good girl” is reserved to those who abstain or restrict access to their bodies, with inexistent conversation about their body count.
Derrick Jaxn’s wife is the archetype of the ride or die girlfriend turned wife. She was there when her husband looked like he was himself “fresh from a boat” and a fatty. She stayed right there with him, from humble beginning to his fame, while he delivered online hostile advice to his audience of women against their playing, manipulating, time wasting, promising and cheating partners. She was kept in the background, in excellent conditions (house, cars, holidays ..). Until Derrick Jaxn’s mistresses decided to come forward on the internet and introduce themselves. Now, the wife is being used in a video to maintain the brand and sit tight next to her husband, speaking about himself in the third person tense. Both videos were very flabbergasting! The cherry on the cake was the third one, here:
Riding & Dying for your partner?
How much pain are you willing to take before you no longer see eye to eye with your partner? Being there for a man, through thick and thin, has raised the bar of betrayal so high that we are now talking about “intelligent cheating” or “cheating respectfully”. Men are now authorised to cheat only if they respect the reputation of their partner and the integrity of their union, with no outside kids, expenses, or scandals. To give some credits to the Black man, a shift of mindset and personality has occurred for the past ten years.
We used to complain about their mentality where they pledged allegiance to only their Mom and their children, skipping any bond or relationship with the mother(s) of their child. That precious relationship between a Black man and his Mom was one to aspire to live up to, access or even break with superior acts of love (i.e. unfair expectations of unconditional love). Extreme loyalty was successfully manipulated out of their love interests, in exchange of a potential official title: main girlfriend, wife … How is the mental health of these women after years of riding these carousels? Are they ok? Are they bitter?
Submission & Higher Purposes?
A wise coach once said: “a woman submits to a man. A man submits to God”. A beautiful picture if “God” himself can draw a line on how far the submission lead this woman. Submission is about understanding that a man does not need to be emasculated, guided or leaded to his own path, even if it includes you. The right woman for a man knows to provide the ideas while allowing her partner to believe he was the one who had them all. Even going as far as taking the credits for everything that is done, understanding that their win is the team win. Society is still fighting women as President of any state, despite Angela Merkel! Sometimes, Black women, the smart ones, know to not fight their environment by attacking the representative said environment is asking for. Submission is the tricky situation where a man does not realise that he is his own family costume. An ironed and perfumed version of his children and his partner’s state of affair. Hush … Don’t tell men!
Negotiating Love & Interests:
Derrick Jaxn’s wife gave everything #Zaddies could have given her, minus the peace of mind. The material possessions are not reflecting in her violent embrace of the Lord and his holy book. The Internet was unsettled with her video. Her husband, indeed, has affected her mental health to the point that it transpired in her preaching. #Zaddies are available to provide money if you are ok with a life void of love or love at last sight.
A power couple, which everyone aspires to achieve, is one where a partnership of equal power is established. Each household defines what this means: looking after the house, the children, the finance … A power couple is rooted in a clear foundation leading to balanced emotions. Each person knows his/her role and has not forgotten their place or position in the other person life. Derrick Jaxn is a husband who is fearing a divorce more than he is fearing to lose his wife, which is even less flattering to his woman.
The cooperation between two soulmates, based on friendship or love, happens when all negotiation has been cleared out: no arguments, no misunderstanding, no going through the other person phone, no investigation. What are your interests for staying in your relationship? Who has the burden to hear about it: your partner or a third-party (mistress, professional doctor, online coach …).
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BY: Sylvaine FRANCIS
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