Sunday series: reflection on US, Black people and our relationship with ourselves and unsolicited relationships with others (unsolicited because “slavery was 400 years ago, get over it” reflexes from everyone around us – except us).
By now, you know what a roster is, right? If not, listen to Krew Season and their take on how they apply different roles to different women who are aware that they are not THE (only) ONE in his life:
This notion that ONE woman has all the qualities that will naturally set her apart from the rest is key to a man. That is how he decides, for himself, to choose his future wife. A wife is that girlfriend he does not want to risk losing before someone else is happy to take her far away from him.
Under 25 years old
To not exercise your right to make a choice between different women is for a young man the consequence of his own look or ability to not be “coerced” into a relationship with another human being. Using the word coerce (persuade – an unwilling person – to do something by using force or threats) is acknowledging that dating a man or woman is a transaction between two personalities. After careful consideration, young people should have the emotional intelligence to reject any conversations, exchange of their time or resources under duress: manipulations are the only explanation to justify staying with another person when you do not feel uplifted, happy or engaged into being there with this other talking soul.
A young boy, who discovers how unattractive he is due to his look or lack of personality to achieve his conquest, experiences his first feedback from the world. What he does with this information (sad, depressed, suicidal …) reflects his personality: will he overcome his limitations or will he operate from there, until the rest of his life? The popular boy in his school is naturally choosing from a list of excited girls. His relationship with this “next man’s” reality will forever explain why some men become “Gossip” men. These type of “new age men” always have a story about the next man!
Above 25 years old
After understanding the dynamic of this world, made of healthy people and damaged children in adult’s bodies, a man is supposed to operate from a place of choice. No woman (who watches TV and serial killers’ documentaries) should be attracted or curious toward any individual giving off that desperate energy. Her survival instinct has to replace her absent self esteem. By the time he is 25 years old, dating is a game not a challenge: getting to know each other, finding out about his/her flaws as quickly as possible to not waste his time and hers …
Still having a roster is a personal decision for him. It is not a normal or abnormal lifestyle! At 25 years old, he might start making his own money and experience financial security for the first time. There is a level of maturity that comes with age where even a man knows the Psychology behind his own roster: competition between shallow women, toying with someone else’s sense of superiority over “the game”, teaching a lesson to difficult or contrarian potential dates. Sky is the limit when you approach these relationships and understand it is not always about love or positive exchanges. We are all in the receiving end of these people we were never meant to meet or mess up with. Sometimes, these people refuse to lose your phone number despite screaming their disdain or hate for you.
Above 40 years old
Men and women by now know who they are and no longer need to find themselves using other people, like energy vampires. Dating, for healthy minds, is about improving your circumstance rather than stressing it into getting worse. Due to the lack of available and desirable “single straight black” men and women, situationships and age differences become the norm. Mistresses were silent in the 70’s to protect their benefits from married men and their reputation in their community. No one wanted a “bastard” child. In this century, out of attention or defiance, young girls are proud to blog about their sugar daddy. The fact that these sugar daddy/mammy are often from a certain demographic might not even be an agenda or a good conspiracy! When you successfully relegate a lot of Black men into not getting that promotion they deserved, deny them access to good opportunities because they are either too attractive, loud or opinionated, sugar daddy are doomed to be white or of any other races as they do count an army to thanks for their services. The African Army is Black but it is not under one state or led by its own will! They are not coming to save you, Black men.
Lack of respect and manners are popular. Shouting your difference is click worthy. It also justifies the need for Black men to hold on to a ROSTER until he is sure he is not bringing one of these socially damaged individuals into his own household. The same energy applied to blogging before that wedding will be used after the alimony. I personally want my son to have a roster for as long as he needs until he is not COERCED or socially engineered to subject me to a conversation with one of these << Social Media mother in law >>. Which is why I have joined the Dom Game Division: I want to help build the resources I would love for my daughter and my son to have access to when their will and their mind are not enough to save them from their environment’s popular talking points.
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BY: Sylvaine FRANCIS