Black on Black Dating: a crime against someone else humanity? #BlackMasters

Jun 28, 2020
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Sunday series: reflection on US, Black people and our relationship with ourselves and unsolicited relationships with others (unsolicited because “slavery was 400 years ago, get over it” reflexes from everyone around us – except us).


In the World of dating, there is this unshakable and cruelest rule of law: I SELECT YOU.
We chose here the word “select” inspired by the YouTube videos from author Rom Wills and his recurrent expression << Select vs Non-Select men >>.  This is to separate the men who can and the men who can’t. No panels, videos, clubs, peer-pressure, political movements or religious groups-think will help you suddenly achieve the target that you want. You can achieve a few manipulated and manipulative numbers. But that one person, who has that freedom and freewill sauce that you really wanted … will not be the slave that you bring home. So whatever techniques you use to date and mate won’t spare you from coming home alone.

This new article was inspired by our recent reflection on this phenomenon called “ROSTER”. A roster, which needs no dictionary from Black women and men – as we see it everyday if not manipulated by an environment to interpret it as anything else than what it is – is according to online definitions:

  • a list or plan showing turns of duty or leave for individuals or groups in an organisation. These list of people are available to do a certain job or for a particular team (source: Collins Dictionary)
  • a group of girls that can be called on at any time for casual sex, these girls don’t know about the roster or each other; to add girls to this group is known as building your roster (source: urban dictionary).

Anthropologist of every race should now get their hats on, their magnifiers out and their rocks off so Black Men can keep doing what they were doing, way before first point of contact with said “slaves volunteers” four hundred years ago. The urban dictionary would benefit from these studies (with a current choir flavour): girls and women know they are part of a roster. They even bring more girls or women to a man roster. Voluntarily or just by being a “ride or die” – psychological game of competition that is played on men and women, all the damned time. So why dictionary are starting to be upsetting these days. Are they funded by ratchet dot com?

Viking were going to war in the name of their God and imposing on their prisoners the “benefit” of their religion as a proof of the existence of their God (a winner) as opposed to the prisoners’ god (loser). So when your environment pressure you to abandon your capability of achieving a roster – not a Pyramid scheme, language please, it’s not Shakespeare English around this part –  before you are ready to do so, no holy book, no community eyes will stop the damages on innocent and clueless wives about said “chosen husband”. The pain, the tears, the dramatic in front of the community, the unanswered prayers … Do we have the right culprit? The man or his bullyish environment?

Cultural difference is not just about saying the thing you want to hear. It’s about describing the things you also should notice. Manipulative techniques to impose a change cannot always be achieved by the norm. It is nowhere to be found on any map! Would you go to “Normativity” if you could? Can we agree that such a destination would have a “moving goal post” GPS. Pandering is so ugly. Non-select men do that. Being yourself is so sexy. Select men understand that. And they also know the danger of bringing back home one of these manipulative spirits, with vampire energy belief systems, ready to reduce him into HER CASUALTY. Not trying to defend men and their silly rights to have their own sauce, but really trying to not put Black women in this tricky positions listed below: 

  • Crying, begging, damaging their mental health because they always believe themselves to be “The One” that will change him
  • convenient “Witches” who do not let go of a man who prefers dating outside of his race, reducing you to “his roster”
  • reminded how dating others is at least not “coming from a place of privilege”
  • being called “Sister” or “Sista” instead of my woman, my lady, my wife, my one (activism alert! Abort! Abort!)
  • miss your own opportunities in life in whichever race you choose without making your new partner looking stupid being with you (unnecessary comparisons, angry posting online, competitive posts with your ex’s new girlfriend …) 

There is no such thing as ROSTER PSYCHOSIS! Freedom and Freewill get you the results you fight for …

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BY: Sylvaine FRANCIS